Day 27 of 30
Day 27 of 30
Whoa. This 30 day experiment, of sharing a real photo of my real body once a day, is almost OVER & I cannot believe it.
⚡️I just read a post by the powerhouse @thebirdspapaya in which she quoted Ann Aguirre with a sentiment that resonates so deeply for me in relation to this 30 day experiment… I’m simply going to riff based on the vibes that are flowing through me right now…
⚡️Once exposed, a secret loses all its power.
⚡️ONCE EXPOSED, A SECRET LOSES ALL ITS POWER.
⚡️These are the words I didn’t know came to me on New Year’s Eve.
⚡️I’ve told many of you how I heard a voice as I laid my head down around 1:30 am on New Year’s Eve… but I’ve never described the message the same way twice & I’ve never been able to put my finger on the exact words I heard. Until now.
⚡️See, it wasn’t auditory as you might imagine - it was more like a feeling, but one that came with a PRECISE message - I just couldn’t quite decode it.
⚡️I knew I was supposed to see my shame, to say my shame & to share my shame.
⚡️And so I’m here. On day 27. Following that voice.
⚡️My secret: I was skinny & I liked it. It was easy, it was fun, it was well rewarded. Then, through a happy, stressful, beautiful & chaotic life, I became un-skinny. It wasn’t particularly punished by those around me, but my mind went wild with shame, forcing my body to cower away, to hide beneath clothes, beneath titles, beneath excuses. No goal achieved was good enough & I was never showing up as my full self… So I ultimately felt unloved & unworthy, knowing no one could love or value me, as they weren’t really seeing ME anymore.
⚡️I exposed this secret on the 1st day of the year, and I’m already so very changed.
⚡️Example: My ideal uniform for life is good denim - ideally in the shape of dramatic bell bottoms - and a perfectly soft, worn in white tee. I bought a cut off white tee today, threw it on with my fav jeans, bare feet & the beloved necklace I wear everyday. I felt more like me than I have in many, many moons.
⚡️If you’re still reading this, thank you for allowing me to expose my secret & for being with me as I watch the power from this shame shrivel in the light of true self love.